PsychotiCorp Political Issues Page

P.U.P.P.'s Political Platform: Where we stand on the issues you care about and some you don't.

Exporting Jobs:
We all know that neither the democrats nor the Republicans are doing anything about all of the manufacturing jobs that are being exported to other countries. Everyone is wondering what will become of the United States once all of the manufacturing jobs are exported. Well P.U.P.P. has developed a rapid job export plan. After all, we are just as curious as the next guy, we want to find out what will happen too. We just don't want to wait too long to find out. We want to know now! Our plan calls for expediting the process and providing financial incentives for businesses currently toying with the idea of moving their manufacturing operations outside of the United States.

Campaign Finance Reform:
P.U.P.P. believes that corporations should be allowed to give all of the money they want to political campaigns and organizations. This will allow our parent corporation to control the political system.

Illegal Immigration:
Recently, lawsuits have been filed against the U.S. government because of some people who attempted to enter the country illegally, dying of thirst in the desert. In order to prevent future lawsuits, we've devised a new plan. Water fountains alone simply just aren't good enough. Nothing less than luxury accommodations for those illegally entering our country will do. Sure it will be expensive, but given the fact that we spend about 20 billion a year already on illegal immigrants, what's another 40 billion? Let's not forget the 30% of legal Mexican immigrants that are already on welfare either. Why should they have to scrape by on food stamps simply because they refuse to work? Why can't the rest of us just work harder to pick up the slack? It's alright with the Republicans and fine with the Democrats, so any legislation to this effect should just fly through congress no matter which party controls it.

Taxes:
Of course taxes will have to be increased to pay for our programs but we're not going to play that old class warfare game. We intend to overburden all taxpayers equally.

National Debt:
Some don't think it's fair or morally right to pass a massive debt onto future generations. We agree. In fact, we intend to accumulate such a massive debt so incredibly fast that the economic collapse would be almost immediate. But think of the good time we'll have just before it all goes up in smoke.

Education:
We also believe that the quality of education in the inner cities is downright horrible. It's not fair when the students in the suburbs get a better quality education. We have a new plan called no child left ahead. We plan on cutting the education budget to the extent where the children in the suburbs will have just as poor an education as those in the inner city. It's only fair. So when people say: "Why can't little Johnny read?" We'll just answer with: "Because little Johnny is frickin' stoopid, that's why!" We've got to blame somebody don't we? It's all little Johnny's fault!

Gay Marriage:
We believe that gays should have the same marriage rights as the rest of the population. We believe that any gay man should be free to marry any woman he pleases and that any lesbian should be able to marry whatever man she wants. Fair is fair!

First Amendment Rights:
We believe that people should have the right to say anything they want as long as they don't say anything that offends us. Given our lack of morals, that ain't a whole hell of a lot!

National Defense:
We intend to cut the military budget significantly. However, we do have a lot of Boy Scouts and Girls Scouts in this country who can be used to fill in the vacancies. Besides, they can sell cookies to fund the defense budget.

Labor Unions:
Labor unions have not been effective at all in the process of stopping the flow of manufacturing jobs overseas. The problem with unions is that they actually have standards. You see, if we just treated all of our workers like crap, and dumped all of the waste anywhere we damn well pleased, it would be easier to compete against the other countries that don't have labor laws or environmental standards. We'll take the union's money though, after all, the Democrats have been doing it for years and the jobs still go overseas.