Selective Coverage Insurance Policies ... S.C.I.P.

Also called S.C.I.P, as in Scip the bullshit and just insure me already!

Option one:
Super Tedious Selection Plan.

Our Super Tedious Selection Plan is an insurance policy specially designed for nitpickers and/or lonely people. Let's say that you're a very lonely elderly person who rarely gets out and never has company. Well our Super Tedious Selection Plan can get you out of the house and you can have us attend to your every insurance whim. We can insure you against infected hang nails or even more specific concerns. How about infected hangnails that get infected on a specific day of the year or just during a full moon? We can do that at a minimal additional cost to you. Or how about an infected hangnail that gets infected during a full moon in the month of March but only in areas 3 miles east of the Mississippi? That's just how specific we can get. So if you're a lonely person who just wants to get out of the house to talk to anybody, or a nitpicking loser with absolutely no social life, we can help. You can waste countless hours with one of our agents. Of course, it's going to cost you.

Option Two: Hyper-Speed Gloss-Over Plan.

You're an incredibly busy person or an highly irresponsible person in a hurry and you don't want to be bogged down by an extremely time-consuming process of filling out all kinds of annoying paperwork. We can help. Our Hyper-Speed Gloss-Over Plan is designed for you. You just want car insurance to be a legal driver in your state. No problem, we can issue you an insurance card that you can present the next time you get pulled over. However, if you actually do get into an accident, we will disavow any knowledge of your existence.

The Choice Is Yours, Dipturd:

Obviously, the choice is up to you, the unsuspecting and overly trusting consumer. Do you want extensive or overly redundant coverage or do you just want to go through the motions? You decide.

Note: The contents of this page are just a parody of the Insurance Industry, this company does not really exist. Don't be a dumb-ass by believing otherwise! This is our official disclaimer.